Constant progress and feathered friends

I'm in the home stretch of book two. Getting up early to write before work hasn't been easy, but I've literally forced myself to write "just 500 words" every day. So far every day, I've exceeded that amount. It hasn't always gone smoothly, but it has moved forward, and that's what's important. I'm at 99,000 words, and there's under 15,000 to go (very possibly under 10,000) 'til the draft is done.

Maybe I'm dragging my feet a little on finishing this WIP because I know that when I do, I'll have two books to revise. And that's just fucking scary. Double trouble! But I can handle it.

What else? Someone's been reading this blog. Someone I know, I mean. At first I was a little unnerved by this, but it took about 10 seconds for me to (wo)man up. I told myself, "If you do things right, in a couple years people who know you and perfect strangers will all be reading your blog and website. That's part of how you'll sell books, dummy." So bring on the page views, people. ;)

I stumbled upon this Reddit AMA and it's been making me feel a whole lot better about being someone who writes psychological thrillers that are particularly dark. I've always been terrified I won't be able to get an agent, publisher, etc., for these reasons, but hey, if Gillian Flynn did it...well, if I put out a good manuscript, hopefully I can do it, too. Looks like she had a little trouble getting there quickly, but she definitely got there. That's a good reminder that all it takes is one. One good agent who believes in you and sees your talent and your book's awesomeness.

I've been listening to some diverse music lately--a lot of The Pretty Reckless, old Distillers albums, Fitz & the Tantrums. Today I fell in love with G. Love and Special Sauce's new album, Sugar (I am, after all, a Philly girl). Some of it inspires me to write; some doesn't, but I love it all the same.

Writing can get a little lonely, so I've made some new friends. Feathered friends. I put a bird feeder (and occasionally, some bread) on the balcony, and the birds show up every day, chirping their hungry little hearts out. I see tons of different birds...and tons of bird fights, which I didn't anticipate. The sparrows squabble, the woodpeckers attack every other bird that approaches the feeder, and the blue jays scream at each other at 6 AM. I take entirely too many pictures and videos of them, and they seem to be growing used to me creeping toward the window, camera in hand. My favorites are the chickadees; they're tiny, adorable, feathery balls of cuteness.

Of course, the one problem with my new feathered friends is that they often show up when I'm writing in the morning, and it's really hard to pay attention to writing when bird cuteness and/or bird squabbles are happening right outside...

Shaking it up.

I've been sick for most of the past week*. I was lazing around in bed a lot, sniffling and sneezing and coughing...and thinking. Thinking that now's a good time to shake stuff up.

I'd felt like I was in a writing rut even before I got sick. And certainly I wasn't writing at all while sick--it was tough enough for me to get up, drag my ass to work, come home and microwave a can of soup, and go to bed early, hoping I wouldn't wake myself up coughing again. That was hard enough; I wasn't gonna add writing to the mix.

But now I feel ready. I feel mostly better--say, 85% better--and I'm ready to get started again.

I straightened up my writing space. I can't write unless everything is neat. I'm already a bit of a neat freak, but it really comes out when I need to write. If there are dirty dishes in the kitchen, I can't focus. So right now, the dishwasher's running, and I'm working at a neat, clean desk, free of clutter and full of writing toys (Dexter figurine, fun pens, some of my favorite polished stones).

I decided that even though my story/characters are always on my brain, I need to actually do more with them (besides the obvious, which is write about them). So I created a weekly calendar and wrote in some assignments--like working on the series/character bible, reading books about various aspects of writing, doing some cop/crime-related research, etc. And then I hung that calendar right by my desk, where I could see it, instead of letting it lurk under a pile of crap on my desk (now that the desk is crap-free, it had to hang somewhere, right?).

I downloaded some new reading material for my Kindle. The new Jeffery Deaver book (I'm always impressed by his work), and an older Clive Barker book (his stuff, I've found, helps me embrace my "writing weird").  And, while I love Muse, I realize that sometimes they're a security blanket for me, so I downloaded some new-to-me music that piqued my interest. (I'm still going to listen to Muse just as much, of course, but I'm going to make an effort to listen to other stuff too, and see what that does to my writing.)  Fitz and the Tantrums, Cage the Elephant, Spoon, and the Pretty Reckless (don't judge--I got a few Emerson sparks when I heard their stuff, which makes it totally worth buying). I want to see what infusing my brain with new music does to me, writing-wise.

I also realized I've been having a lot of really interesting thoughts lately and keep telling myself "oh, you'll remember that; write it down later" and then, of course, I don't remember squat. So I got a couple small Moleskine notebooks that I anticipate filling with all those fleeting thoughts that I have to catch before they go poof and disappear forever. Some of those thoughts are Emerson-related; some aren't. Regardless, I need to catch 'em, and this is the best way--I still haven't gotten into taking notes digitally, and handwriting them seems to get them out better somehow.

Tomorrow I'm ready to get up early and get back into my routine of writing before work. Tomorrow's when I start attacking all of this with a more focused approach, allowing myself to have a more creative life overall.

I can't wait to get started again.

* As for what I was doing before I got sick? I was meeting pitchers from my very favorite baseball team...

I was so stoked to meet one of my favorite pitchers of all-time, AJ Burnett. He was super-nice, and I was just a wee bit starstruck!

Me and Phillies reliever Jeff Manship. He's played for both my favorite teams, the Phillies and the Twins, and I was beyond excited to meet him!

33.

Today's my 33rd birthday. Wanting a quiet and less stressful birthday, I wisely took the day off from work. My car's in the shop, so I can't go anywhere for a while, which bodes well for writing. But before writing, a bit of reflection.

I didn't really make any New Year's resolutions, except a general resolution to kick ass. But for my 33rd year, I'm tempted to set a few goals, such as:

Writing fearlessly. This is by far the most important one. Too often I hold myself back in my writing, and I shouldn't. My weird is what makes me interesting. It's also what makes my characters and plot interesting. I can't accept writing timidly, tiptoeing around or glossing over things. Although I hide it well, I'm pretty raw and edgy, and it needs to come through more in my writing. How will I know I'm writing more fearlessly? Because it just feels different. A good kind of different.

Self-control. Getting up at 5:30 AM to write has been really tough when it's 2 degrees outside, and the room where my desk is is freezing-ass cold. But it's a necessary evil. Thank goodness, winter won't last forever, so this is something that will get easier (and when it does, I want to maximize my time even more). I'm getting up and writing, but sometimes I'm slogging through it. I need to be better at getting the amount of sleep I need, limiting distractions, eating healthfully, and feeling okay with saying "no." I must not only treat writing as a huge priority, but treat my well-being as a huge priority, too.

Making peace. Something I'm constantly working on is trying to worry less about shit I can't control. This is the type of stuff that often distracts me when I'm trying to write. I also need to be okay with the things I've given up to write. For me, writing is extremely solitary, and I need a lot of quiet and order to focus. Because of this, I don't tend to do much socially, and there are friends I love dearly that I hardly ever talk to. The bottom line is, there are only 24 hours in a day. There are certain things I must do, like go to work, write, get a healthy amount of sleep and food, and spend time with the small handful of people who matter most to me. Because these musts eat up many hours of the day, I don't often have the time for friends and family that I used to have. It doesn't mean I like anyone any less, or want to talk or hang out with them any less, but it does mean that sometimes friendships are affected because of my inability to be as present as others need and want me to be. It's unfortunate, and I don't like it either. But I feel dead when I don't or can't write. My life is at its best--its most vibrant and lively--when I'm writing, and I need to keep it up no matter what. I have to do what's right for me. And if that's reaching out to people when I can and when I have time--instead of forcing myself to do this with a regularity that throws off my writing--then I have to learn to be okay with it.

Welcome to the year where I stop holding myself back. Let's see what I can really do.

Quick update.

Had a day off today to write and recharge. In addition to writing, I also did some reading, played with a few new beauty tools (hot rollers, blue temporary hair streaks, oh my!), made delicious gluten-free cookies, and decided to do a little blogging 'cause I haven't been here in a while.

I'm currently writing the second book in the Flame series and revising the first draft of the first book in the series. The revising is more challenging for me than the writing is, but both are going a little slower than I'd like. I'm getting back into my "get my ass up at 5:30 AM and do writing/revising before work" routine, but since it's really freakin' cold at that time of the morning, getting out of bed then has also been rather difficult. But I'm pushing through...

I've been a bit quiet and melancholy lately. I think I miss my friends. My fault, not theirs--between working a challenging day job and making writing and revising my other top priority, I've found myself with very little spare time, and I end up sleeping, preparing GF/DF food, and reading (writing books as well as novels in my genre) during any spare moments I get. I constantly feel like I'm being a shitty friend, and I hope that eventually I'll have the time and energy to return phone calls, emails, etc. Fellow writers, if you have any tips for balancing friends and a social life with writing, I'm all ears!

A look into my world these days...
* I've been reading this writer's blog posts a lot--I'm always inspired by her words.
* This book impressed the hell out of me--a fun, twisted read from a fellow Philly-area writer. I read it in one day--couldn't put it down!
* I'm still reeling from the most recent episode of Person of Interest. (Warning: Link contains spoilers!) Were you surprised by it, too?
* I've been cheering this guy on in Project Runway All Stars. He's always been one of my favorite PR designers, and next week I hope to see him win a damn challenge already!
* I needed a writing confidence boost in a big way, so I created this board on Pinterest. I hope it helps you, too!

That's all for now...it's back to writing Book 2 for me!

Simple questions.

I'm diving headfirst into editing the first Emerson novel.  I've taken forever to go through the hard copy and mark the hell out of it, and now it's time to dig into the digital version and start actually making the changes.

I've been lazy.  Sick.  Sleeping a lot, or not sleeping enough.  Thinking a lot.  Sometimes thinking too much.  And all of it's good for my writing--the thinking especially, but even the sick and tired, because some of my best brainstorms have come when I'm a little fuzzy in the head.

But goddamn it, now it's time to get down to business.  And my business is writing.

I started up again today with the early o'clock wake-up time.  It makes me happy to tackle the most important thing in my day first.  It's what I need to do, and I started doing it today.  And I'll do it tomorrow too, and the next day, and so on and so forth.  I'm getting other shit done too--work, freelance, life in general, cooking delicious gluten-free noms, etc--but writing must be my number one thing.  And I must treat it as such.

Treating it as my top priority boils down to asking myself a few simple questions when something comes up.  And "something" could be anything--being distracted by cats on the internet or a Sephora sale, catching up on Person of Interest, taking a nap, writing something else, doing something that could take me out of "writerbrain" mode, etc.  But in the case of any kind of something, I'm training myself to ask:

1. Is this really necessary?
2. Is it useful to someone I care about helping?
3. Will this help me with my Emerson-related goals?

If the answer is not yes to one or several of those questions, then I need to think very carefully about whether or not I do the thing that I'm asking myself about.  This line of thinking is making me cognizant of the many barriers (whether meaningful or frivolous) to writing and how I can handle them well so they don't derail me from my goals.

And with that, it's nearly 11 PM.  I need to be up in 7 hours, and in that time I need to get a good night's sleep, so off I go...

I'm a writer.

I’ve been in a bit of a funk lately.

Yes, I have a completed first draft, which I’m due to begin editing, like, yesterday.  And yes, I’m working (albeit slowly) on the first draft of the second book in the series.  But progress has been slow on both—a stark contrast to the month of July, where I felt like I was a writing superstar, not just churning out more words, but also better work.

I think it’s that I don’t feel like a real writer all the time.  And that’s a problem.

Of course someone who doesn’t feel that much like a real writer is content to curl up in bed, reading books by other writers.  Or watching baseball games.  Or sleeping.  I feel like a legitimate baseball fan, and I'm most definitely an experienced sleeper.  I’ve earned my cred in those areas.  But when it comes to being a writer, I have to convince myself of my cred, and it’s disconcerting.

Too often I focus on what I don’t have: a publishing contract, an agent, a ton of industry contacts, etc.  I focus on the things that keep me from writing, like the day job, baseball season, feeling exhausted, not always being in the right frame of mind.

I forget to focus on what I do have.  I do have a completed first draft.  I do have a fully realized plot and characters, and a mapped-out 7-book series.  I have a website I’m happy with.  I have an author platform, and am learning more about social media—and how it can benefit me—every day.  I have people in my life who cheer me on.  I have talent and determination.  And I have a plan—for revising, for editing, for querying, for networking, for getting published.

That’s a lot more than other people have.  Comparatively, I’m probably ahead of many others who share dreams similar to mine.

I need to remember that.  I need to focus on comparing myself to who I was months ago, weeks ago, even yesterday, and improving that person—not comparing myself to other writers.  I have to go at my own pace.  I have to move forward with networking and interviewing and researching, keeping in mind that I am a writer.  If nothing else, I’m a writer of a first draft, and I owe it to myself to remind myself that I’m a writer so I can take on the necessary tasks to bring this from first draft to final draft, thus further legitimizing that whole “I’m a writer” thing.

It’s okay if I’m a novice writer.  An amateur writer.  A budding author.  All of those things are true.  And so is the fact that I am a writer…and I deserve to treat myself, and think of myself, as such.

Quick hits.

So a few exciting things have happened this weekend:

1. Went to Kinko's and printed out my manuscript.  I'm gonna start revising this week...and I am so excited about it.  Yep, I'm a geek.

2. Had a lot of fun writing this article: http://www.listmysocialmedia.com/writers-and-twitter.  If you're a writer/author who needs ideas on what to do--or not do--on Twitter, check it out!

3. Last night I seriously gorged myself on amazing gluten-free food from the always-awesome restaurant Grandma's Grotto.  Two appetizers, a scrumptious dish of baked penne (half of which I ate for dinner last night, half for lunch today), dessert (a gluten-free eclair...NOM), and a gluten-free white pizza that I've been randomly eating pieces of.  I swear I'm not 800 pounds, not even after eating all of those oh-so-delicious vittles.  But damn, it was good.  All of it.  (And yes, I can still fit into my jeans.)

I don't know where the hell the summer went (oh wait, I spent the whole summer writing...), but I can feel fall in the air, and I can't wait to get my red pen out and start the next phase of whipping this book into shape...